Addressing Pissy Attitudes, Resistance, and Whatnot

So you want to change somebody’s attitude about bettering their life or the environment, do you? 

What not to do:

First and foremost, people don’t want to be wrong or bad. If you want to make the biggest impact in a conversation, be very careful not to put these things upon others by getting mean, or confronting them in a blaming manner. Shame is not the proper route to positive change, and using shame can actually backfire on you, big time. People may even have their subconscious fears about change reinforced when confronted with shame. There is a shut-down response that often occurs in the other person in this scenario.

It’s one thing to show somebody the damage that is being done at large because of a certain practice-such as over use of disposable plastics. Re-state this info as you see fit. It WILL take more than one reminder. Then let the info sink in over time and work its own magic. Offer facts without blame. But pointing fingers and actively calling a person out because THEY suck is another thing entirely. This is often detrimental to the cause you are trying to support.

If you really need to talk to someone about their exact habit, take the time to plan out your conversation for best results. Read on.

Try this instead:

On the other hand, everyone has similar base goals in life! Personal security and comfort are big ones in these “going green” scenarios, as is the need to feel love. More on that in a minute.

Find out what these people’s goals are- in life and in their hearts. Maybe you won’t be asking them directly- Listen. Try to figure these things out through casual conversation. From this understanding of your friend or colleague, you can begin to shape your message of how living for your dreams, or for the planet, supports their goals.

This can take some massive thinking, and you also probably won’t want to be direct. I’m not telling you to subconsciously manipulate someone or be passive aggressive, either!

Keep it cool- be consistent, but don’t be pushy. And remember that people don’t often come around overnight or even in a month or 3. Patience. Continue to lead by example, repeat facts without blame (in appropriate moments, please) and be yourself.

What I’m saying is this:

Continue to live your life according to your values. Basically, you are going to show this person, through example, that you’re achieving their deepest goals of happiness and inner peace or whatever their goals are by finding your own values and saying yes to them.

The suggestion is that they, too could feel as good as you do!  This works because there are, according to Tony Robbins Research, four reasons that humans are motivated to do anything. Those motivators are health, security, love, and happiness.  

Listen to their needs and go about your business happily.

THIS IS HUGE: According to Tony Robbins research, people are driven at all times to either seek to gain pleasure or avoid pain, in one of the above mentioned 4 categories, in every decision they make. Get to know your “audience”, and see if you can get an idea of which “category” is driving their actions. Then  you can show them how it will truly benefit them to try a new approach in life.

If it seems comfortable and appropriate, you can definitely just ask them directly what their goal is. I’m not trying to tell you to get super sneaky with people- Just be tactful and respectful to the specific social needs of each person you are working with in every scenario. Always respect the energy the most; don’t be invasive about it, whether it’s a spoken transaction or a silent one. Some people are quite oblivious to the desires that drive their behavior, or you may have to decode it for them- therefor a less direct (but fully respectful) approach is necessary. THAT is my point.

For the rudest types who want to actively make fun of you and try to make you uncomfortable, It’s fair and effective to say something direct and respectful. Say something along the lines of, ” I feel really disrespected and un-cared for when you jokes about my lifestyle.” Or to step it up a notch, “you’re actually being rude and mean. I’m not sure why you feel the need to act this way, but I don’t appreciate it at all, and I’m rejecting it.”

In case you are having pipe dreams over there, let me clue you in on something, just for clarification…

It’s important to understand that you will not be able to impose your own values on others. What you are doing so gracefully is educating a little, and truly directing people back towards their own hearts and what they want deep inside.

Although we all have the same 4 driving motivators for our behavior and actions, what Tim Jones wants is not always the same as what you or I want out of life. And all paths are different. You are not the judge, and it’s not your job to correct.

Overall? You just do YOU, honey!

Reminder: at the bottom of everything, every single one of us wants those things that were mentioned above. Health happiness love, and security… and and oftentimes wealth, because it symbolizes security. When money comes up as a major resistance point, it’s most likely security that the person is seeking. Money is synonymous with security to most people.

Every one of us is searching very specifically for health, happiness, love, and security. Many of the habits or material items that you, I, or the naysayers are trying to protect or argue for are likely to be symbolizing one of these factors for us, and we don’t even know it.

So solidify this tidbit in your head, and in your heart:

At the root of it, we are all defending our security, our health, or our happiness

…no matter what it is we think we are defending- or how far we go to defend it. What are you protecting? What feelings do you want the most in life?

Here is an interesting example. A disposable culture represents an easy life- that’s what most people think they want! Getting to throw away all of your dishes and not cook is kind of like having a chef make you food and the maid do the dishes for you.

Many people will actually feel rich, or at least free (somewhere deep inside) because they just ate a meal and didn’t have to take responsibility for preparation or the mess. Think about it for a second. Don’t you feel “free” after all when you go out to eat? So it’s time to ask new questions- how else can we find to feel rich and free?

In another scenario, maybe a person is just too stressed out, with so much on their plate, that not doing dishes or cooking creates time, or freedom… for happiness, or the security of knowing that they have MORE FREE TIME. Freedom again. Happiness. It’s what they want. So it’s time to ask yourself, What else could you do to gain more hours in your day? Take a look back at that email about delegating tasks! You will find that email in the “free to Refocus” free email series.

So it may sound far-fetched, but most likely, people are searching for freedom (security) and happiness when they reach for the disposable dinnerware and fast food… and many other of life’s conveniences as well.

Can you blame them for defending their freedom and happiness as it is perceived? Just some perspective to keep you motivated. Understanding is half the battle. Now you can show them a different type of freedom and happiness over time.

Sooo… What about the die hard styrofoam user that is actually convinced that recycling is a conspiracy?

1) Have the conversation. 2) Leave it alone. 3) Send love. 4) Live by your values 5) Repeat. If this is not an option, go back and read this again and also the blog post suggested. Continue to live your life by your values and ignore the sneers from the corner of the room 😉 it’s also like a bully mentality… If they don’t see it affect you, they will stop eventually.

And though you may never see it, I pinkie promise you that you will be affecting them!

All of these tips and suggestions should be helpful. Definitely have the conversation! And then have it again. Stay peaceful- and respectful. Focus on their deepest desires. And one more thing: do NOT shut out different mindsets- this is paramount. 

Ultimately we are all in this together, on our own unique journeys. Seek to understand.  Show the world how good it feels to be you, living your version of freedom. If they are not ready to change, well then that’s okay. Continue to lead by example. You never know what it can do for someone to see YOU in action, while not judging them. Re-focus, and look in a direction where you can make a big impact!

Begin your own mass consciousness thought movement! Not by trying to change people, but by collecting and connecting the ones who already believe in a bright and clean future, and are ready to act on it!

Ready to Re Focus on what matters most to YOU, so you can live by example?

Opt into my complimentary and totally awesome “Free to Re Focus” email series HERE!!

Become a catalyst for positive change.

Much love and support!
*~X8X8~*

BetsyD